What is "Oops" About Life?
12 Jul
originally published on ylcf.org, February 2005
“It was an oops,” she said.
I beg to differ. God planned it. He guided the uniting of that particular sperm and egg. He formed that unique human life inside your womb. He blessed you with a child to love, a soul to raise for His service. In God’s eyes, there was no oops about it.
Have we just added “Christian” to Planned Parenthood? Are we forgetting that God created life? That God created sex, and then said, “Be fruitful and multiply”! Family planning—no matter its form—is not always going to work. God is the one and only master Family Planner. Something is wrong if we think we can play God and decide how many children are best for our family. Do we trust God so little to think that He isn’t capable of knowing what size of family we can handle or afford? Yes, parenting is a huge responsibility, but if we aren’t ready for that, then we aren’t ready for marriage. (And after all, as Valerie Sheppard, mother of seven, queries, “If one child takes all your time, how can seven take any more?”)
Why do we view a baby as an “oops” if it comes too closely after another sibling or after we think our family is large enough, when other couples try for years and are never able to have children? I don’t think they would call it an “oops” if God sent them a baby after they were forty. They would tell you how miraculous and special each child is. What is our view regarding the sanctity of life if a baby is called an “oops”?
But today both men and women are getting operations to “fix the problem.” How can anyone look down at the sweet, innocent face of a newborn child and call it a “problem”? As one brave couple, Sam and Bethany Torode, declared, “Fertility, unlike appendicitis, is the norm of a healthy body. Pregnancy is not a disease — why vaccinate against it?” There are plenty of non-abortive ways to lower the probability of conception if the need is felt to wait for another child. And if they conceive, the “worst” that could happen is that they would have a precious little baby to add to their family!
Why do we ask if a child is a surprise—isn’t every child a special surprise and blessing from the Lord? We are not guaranteed fertility—every child is a miracle. We need to be thankful for every gift from the Lord, whether we hoped it was coming or not.
Parents with more than four or five children are viewed with incredulous looks these days. “Don’t they know what causes that?” Something is wrong with our society when life is viewed in such a way. How must those children feel, to know that according to everyone else, their parents should have stopped having kids before they were born? Have we forgotten the verses, “Children are a heritage from the Lord. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them”? A quiver holds a lot of arrows!
Today we think we can wait to have children until we know each other well, or are stable financially. But a woman’s most fertile years end at twenty-seven. “We act as though we have complete control over our bodies, and we think fertility can be turned on and off like a light switch,” observe the Torodes in their book, Open Embrace. As much as we like to think we’re in control, that we have the right to make decisions about our bodies, we aren’t in charge at all. If we wait until we’re finally “ready” to have kids, we may not be able to have them at all.
To be fair, you rarely hear a Christian parent say, “I really wish we hadn’t had our third child.” But ten years later, they still get called a “tagalong.” Or dad and mom have to explain for the umpteenth time that no, it wasn’t planned—like they would have been crazy to think of having another child. What if their parents had stopped with their older sibling?
If we are going to stand against abortion, the murder of innocent children, then why do we perpetuate the mentality that life is an oops? To raise children, after all, is a high calling, and blessing from the Lord.
As one who would love a baby and can't conceive at this point– I have to say, "Amen!" And, in that, I also have to add… even infertility has to be laid in God's hands. He is the giver of life. Yes, we can do "things" to help with our inability to conceive, but in the end, God is the one who gives or takes away. And he is always faithful.
This is a brave message that is seldom heard even in the Christian community today. Thank you for sharing it! I agree that we need to trust God in family planning – but that can become difficult when, by surprise, you suddenly have two children 13 months apart. (Experience speaking!
However, who are we to take things into our own hands? Perhaps those two are the only ones God planned. It can be a struggle for couples to know what is right, and to have the courage to DO what is right. We must each prayerfully seek God in this matter.
Just as a side note to your wonderful article.It's not our jobs to pound this truth into our husband's heads! Waaaay too many women start freaking out if they get this and their husbands don't.If say we choose to trust God with our childbearing like this. Shouldn't we also be able to trust Him with our husband's heart?Pray. Don't nag please.The Lord works in awesome, amazing ways!(Expereance speaking)Much Love!Momma of two with one on the way
As someone who is pregnant with her 3rd child, and will soon have 3 21/2 and under (dont' let anyone tell you breastfeeding is birht control!!);-), it's easy to feel overwhelmed and maybe in some ways take for granted the fact that the Lord has blessed us with fertility. Thank you very much for the reminder that God can be trusted with how many children we can afford and take care of.
This was great, but I would love to see an article pointed another direction too. I am a young wife who has been blessed with a son, and three sweet babies in heaven. We don't know if we will ever be able to have more children, although we would love a large quiver full here on earth to raise for the Lord.Do you (with large families, or with kids "too close" together) have any concept of how heartbreaking it is for people like us to see and hear you complaining about the gifts God gives you, when we would give our arms and legs to have that?The Lord knows what to give each of His children. He controls it all. And while I still continue struggling to accept the fact that we may be blessed with a small family, I must proclaim from the rooftops that HIS WILL SHALL BE DONE. And His will is perfect. For me. For you. This goes for any of us for whom things have not gone quite as *we* might desire. Too many children, too few children, whatever.We must remember that our God is sovereign, and He controls it all. My womb -and yours- is in His hands. Even when that hurts and breaks our hearts.~Mrs. C
I know I'm late in commenting here, but I just felt compelled to write something. Mrs. C, you are right that it would be good to hear from some ladies who have experienced various forms of infertility. The problem is far more common than most people know. Thank you for saying that God is sovereign…no matter our life circumstances, God is in control, and He knows what He's doing in our life. I think one of the hardest parts about being unable to conceive for me has been knowing that some people think I could have done something to prevent my infertility or that I didn't have children when I was younger because I wanted everything to be "perfect". People dealing with infertility have so many stories! Unfortunately, for myself, I was not even married when my fertility started its downward spiral at age 27! God ultimately blessed me with my husband shortly thereafter, and even though we tried to become pregnant soon after marriage, God had other plans. There is so, so much to the story, but we are now the happy parents of a daughter through adoption. I have no idea if God will bless us with another child, but He has taught us so much about Himself in our infertility and adoption journey. We thought we would have 4 or 5 children by now, but God wanted something else for us, and although it can be hard to understand at times, we want what God wants. It would be so nice to read some posts by some ladies who have the beliefs that were written about in this post but who have learned how to come to terms with the fact that God is not choosing to bless them with large families, even when that is what they most desired.