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Marriage Glue

As an engaged girl, and a newly-wed, people often told me that sex was overrated. Perhaps it can be, and yet sometimes I wonder if sex, the way that God intended it to be, is rather underrated after all.

I entered marriage with few expectations. Truly, I had never thought much about that part of marriage until our engagement, and even then, I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect when it came to intimacy. I knew it was important, I knew that God intended it to be a beautiful part of marriage, but I was unprepared for how truly beautiful intimacy, as a part of a loving, God-ordained marriage, really is.

Sex has been more wonderful and amazing than I could have thought possible, and in much more than the physical enjoyment of making love. Good sex isn’t love, but it is the result of love, and it is this sacred part of marriage that bonds the emotions and binds the heart in ways that other kinds of closeness could never do.

Truly, it seems like this physical experience is that good glue in marriage that cements our emotional oneness that brings a strength and fullness to our marriage relationship that I treasure. And as I give of myself in this way to my husband, freely and completely, it is impossible to hold back any thing else–emotionally, mentally or physically.

Good sex isn’t just about how it feels–though the feeling is definitely a great part of it–but about what you give to each other. And in giving, and not focusing on what I may or may not get out of it, I find that I always feel like I’ve gained something beautiful, every single time.

Kitchen Motto

Kitchen-themed bridal showers are always a great opportunity to share my kitchen’s motto:

The way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach,
but the way to keep a man’s heart is:

Never let him go to sleep hungry–
for food or for sex!

postpartum intimacy

I was reading through a book on childbirth when a sentence in the section on postpartum care caught my eye. I knew the authors had not meant what they had written:

“Avoid marital intimacy.”

In trying to choose their words delicately, they had in fact given the absolute worst advice possible. I trust their readers understood what they meant to say. But still!

Intimacy and closeness will go a long ways towards helping a husband and wife bond throughout all the new changes that parenthood brings. Not to mention often being very helpful in preventing or lessening post partum depression!

Become adept now at the many ways of giving your husband sexual pleasure, so that in those four to six weeks after delivery you have plenty of marital intimacy…just no intercourse!

And after the postpartum recovery period is over?  Don’t forget these truths shared by Karissa Strovas over at Adding Zest to Your Nest:

..carving out time and finding energy for sex even in the midst of babyhood, was imperative for our marriage to grow.  Saying yes at the end of a day full of spit up and dirty diapers may feel completely counter-intuitive. But it can be a tremendous blessing to your husband. It is a powerful and wonderful gift. I believe it is much closer to the way God designed marriage to work.

Becoming the Woman of His Dreams

I’m re-discovering this forgotten favorite.  Forgotten because I’d forgotten I loaned it out, and when I ran across this old review, I wondered why I didn’t still have the book on my shelf!  Glancing through it now after four years of marriage I’m thinking it might rate right up there with Feminine Appeal for a top favorite marriage book.  But I’ll give it a complete re-read and let you know.  Meanwhile, here’s the review I wrote the month before I got married to the man of my dreams…

by Gretchen Glaser
originally published on ylcf.org, April 2006

I laughed when I opened a recent wedding gift from a friend. She gave me Sharon Jaynes‘ book Becoming the Woman of His Dreams: Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For. I was glad to see she had reciprocated in kind. For at her wedding the month before, I’d given her Dr. Laura’s book Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I thought it only made sense. What good are all the cookbooks, dishes, linens, and even lingerie that you receive for wedding gifts, if you don’t have a happy, loved husband to enjoy them with?

Becoming the Woman of His Dreams: Seven Qualities Every Man Longs For is written to married women. It’s one of those that will do me more good when I re-read it in a year or two. And it’s definitely not for single singles! But I wanted to recommend it to you married ladies.

While I prefer Dr. Laura’s more direct and concise writing style, Sharon Jaynes writes the same message with a bit more delicacy, and lots of Scripture to back it up. If you’re in the Christian bookstore looking for some help to put the zest back in your marriage (or simply make it more zesty!), by all means, pick up Becoming the Woman of His Dreams.

I love Sharon’s reference to one of the most politically incorrect statements in the Bible: “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone.” Rather a contradiction to the pro-abortion mantra, isn’t it? But it’s also, as Mrs. Jaynes point out, a good thing to remember in marriage. I’ll let you read the final section of her book for more on that subject.

So what are the seven qualities every man longs for? According to survey respondents, the woman of his dreams:

1. Prays for Him
2. Respects Him
3. Adores Him
4. Initiates Intimate Friendship with Him
5. Safeguards Her Marriage
6. Encourages Him
7. Sexually Fulfills Him

Wives, if you want some help in becoming the woman of his dreams, I’d recommend picking up Sharon Jaynes’ book. But be sure to check out Dr. Laura’s Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, too.

Related Posts:
Review of Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands
“Man’s Best Friend–Wife or Dog?” (quote from Sharon Jaynes)
“First and Foremost Wife or Mom?” (quotes from Sharon Jaynes)